Let’s get real. Life is tough, and tough times call for tough words. But sometimes even the toughest of times call for … gentler words.
Imagine: you’ve stubbed your toe and dropped your coffee too, and while you might want to let out a string of expletives (*&$@#*!!!), you’re painfully aware you can’t. Maybe the “little pitchers” have big ears. Or Great Aunt Edna is around (and her hearing is still 100%). Or maybe you’re a school principal. Or a professional panda hugger. (Don’t you dare curse around the babies!) Whatever the reason, we’ve got you covered with some choice alternatives to your favorite curse words. These handy words are known as minced oaths, or “clipped or euphemistically altered oaths,” and we’ve got plenty of options beyond standards like dagnabbit, doggone it, and cheese and crackers.
We asked via Twitter what curse word replacements our readers prefer, and because they’re just so forkin’ amazing, they answered! Here are a few of our favorite (and funniest) reader-suggested minced oaths and other clever replies.
We asked:
Oh fetch. What is your favorite gosh darn profanity replacement? 🤬
— Dictionary.com (@Dictionarycom) July 29, 2022
You answered:
1. Curse like it’s the 1930s.
Oh my giddy aunt.
— The Byrneinator (@joyce_byrne) July 29, 2022
“Great Googly Moogly” and “Sweet Sassy Molassey”
— A.J. Roberts (@A_J_Roberts) July 29, 2022
Oh, peaches. Not that I ever use it. But Great Grandma would exclaim My stars and garters! The best.
— Nīna Jo Smith (@njtunesmith) July 29, 2022
2. Talk like a tot. (Because we’re censoring ourselves for them, after all.)
When my kids where young I accidentally yelled “jacka**” at another driver and my son said I should say “bunny”. After being confused for a minute, he realized he meant “donkey” but after that all bad drivers were called “bunny”.
— The Honey Badger (@TANyanotTONya) July 29, 2022
— Anny B. (@64AnnyBug) July 29, 2022
“Son of a biscuit” or “Oh, sugar!” Developed when my kidlets were babies and still in regular rotation. The first sound of the new curse being the same gave me time to correct before it became second nature.
— Beth Freeman (@BethPlusBooks) July 29, 2022
in grade school I said “dagnabbit” in class and got in trouble for swearing and to this day I am salty about it
— Q (@QtheWhatever) July 29, 2022
3. Role-play as a fictional anchorman … or an under-the-sea sponge.
My husband replaced cursing with talking like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman once our first kid was born. So Son of a Bee Sting is a thing he still says…13 years later.
— Andrea Perera (@andrea_perera) July 29, 2022
— Pumpkin Spice Pirate (@krav42) July 29, 2022
4. Speaking of television, you can follow the lead of:
— SC_Stump (@tsstump) July 29, 2022
Can’t make “oh jingles!” work the way my grandfather did. But with respect to Penfold from Danger Mouse, “oh carrots, oh crumbs, oh eck!” pic.twitter.com/IFRlL3VsOJ
— AJ Kerrigan (@aj_kerrigan) July 30, 2022
5. And a few more for good measure:
Barnacles. pic.twitter.com/dZ3ICKLqzS
— Botfish (@botfish) July 29, 2022
— Maya Papaya (@mayapapaya319) July 29, 2022
6. You could create a new word altogether. (But we’re not adding this one to the dictionary any time soon.)
I came out with “crapnoodle” once when talking to a friend. Surprised us both
— jaynemorgan (@jemknox) July 29, 2022
7. Just call it what it is. No need to mince words. Haha. We’re here all night, folks!
I’m a teacher and when I’m at school, I shout, “Profanity” and “Redacted” and “For expletive’s sake.”
— Sarah T (@veganginga) July 30, 2022
8. Some of you took a gastronomical turn.
“holy cannoli” (it was said on Mellissa and Joey)
— Josleene✨🍷 (@jos_90) July 29, 2022
Shiitake mushrooms
— Bruiser Wolf (@Bruiser_Wolf) July 29, 2022
oh for chicken nugget’s sake
— Da Doc ✒️ Scribble Vtuber (@itsdad0c) July 29, 2022
“Far out, brussel sprout” is an f word substitute i use more often than i care to admit, and i have no idea where i picked it up.
— Morgan Aleghieri Art (@morganaliART) July 29, 2022
9. Others checked the Bible.
— Bimby___ (@YoLaDeezie) July 29, 2022
10. Alternatives? What alternatives?
Replacement? I can blister paint at 40 yards. My husband thought he was back in Marine Corps boot camp when he met me. That being said, I did have to learn some quick alternatives when I was playing soccer so I didn’t get red-carded. “Sugarbabies!” was a favorite.
— GSeabhac (@GSeabhac) July 29, 2022
11. At least one of you cursed us (yes, Dictionary.com)!
You malefactors are asking for it.
— Alynda Wheat (@AlyndaWheat) July 29, 2022
— mike_bytheocean (@mike_bytheocean) July 29, 2022
12. But wait, what was the question again?
DID SOMEONE SAY FETCH pic.twitter.com/JPmD6DAb5w
— ᴘᴀᴠʟᴏᴠ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʀɢɪ (@PAVGOD) July 29, 2022
